Ryan Seacrest Likes Sex Toys? Duh!

Yeah, any chance of Teri Hatcher and Ryan Seacrest ever getting back together is shot as of tonight. Desperate Housewives' Teri Hatcher just appeared on The Late Show With David Letterman this evening and Dave made it a point to ask her about her recent dating of American Idol's Ryan Seacrest (Bryan Seagrave as he called him). When she explained that they had just kissed once and that they weren't ever really dating, he pushed further. Dave asked her that if she wasn't Ryan's type, then what did she think was his type. Hesitant to take his bait, but still being the attention whore that she is, Teri hemmed and hawed for a few seconds and then said, "I think he'd really like one of those Mother's Day gifts backstage." Since Dave had done an earlier skit on the show about Mother's Day gifts and one of them was a typically female-pleasing sexual toy, the joke was that Ryan likes sex toys and that he is gay.


"Ryan, please try using some tongue and it's okay if you want to touch my boob too... and for God's sake, please quit crying."

Now I know what you're thinking to yourself, "Ryan Seacrest is gay? No way. He is so utterly manly and dripping with testosterone that he couldn't possibly be a pole smoker. Really? Ryan Seacrest?" Well, I am here to break the news to you that Teri Hatcher believes he is a big homo. Despite her protest of it just being a joke afterwards, it's pretty safe to say that she really believes it or she wouldn't have said it on national televison in front of millions of people. Now don't get me wrong, if a man dumps Teri Hatcher before she digs her claws into him, that doesn't make him gay, just reasonable, wise and afraid of STDs. However, since we are already talking about a man who flirts with male reality show contestants, trades bitchy barbs with the male judges and announces on a tv program where showtunes tend to be the standard singing fare, I don't think it's a real reach to think of him as gay... and Teri appears to have confirmed it for us.


"Yes Ryan, you could have had these. 'They're real and they're spectacular.'"

So thanks Teri, I'm sure Ryan will be making a statement any day now that you actually are a hermaphrodite and he only went on a date with you so he could get some eyebrow plucking hints and Brazilian waxing tips for his sister. I actually hope this turns into a real celebrity feud. I'm already soooo over the Hilton / Richie / Lohan / Duff / Simpson / Lachey / Jolie / Aniston feuds and would enjoy two new big self involved queens taking swipes at each other in the press. The Locklear / Richards / Sheen thing just isn't occupying enough of my day.


"Yes, I'm here to announce that Teri hatcher is a liar. I'm not gay and I don't use sex toys on myself. Now would you please get that big beautiful microphone out of my face. It's turning me on."