Mortal Enemy Birthing Competitions Are The New Black

After the surprising announcement last month that Tom Cruise and his mortal enemy, Brooke Shields, both had their babies on the same day (in the same hospital and same floor even), comes the announcement that Shaquille O'Neal and Kobe Bryant both had daughters yesterday. Well, actually their wives had the babies, but you know what I mean.

Birthing babies on the same day seems to be the new Hollywood powerplay. Not happy enough to just compete for the biggest bassinet, hydro powered stroller or closer parking space in the OB/GYN's parking lot, now celebrities seem to be carrying their hatred so far that they want to be competing with their mortal enemies well past their baby's birth.


TOM: "Just take big deep breaths and calm down Katie. Do what I say and give birth when I command it and you will be just fine."


BROOKE: "Yeah, we beat Tom to it and got paparazzi pictures of our baby published first. Suck it Tom!"

In one year, will Tom be able to get chef Wolfgang Puck to cater little Suri's first birthday party or will Brooke be able to steal him away first with the promise of good psychiatric drugs and no scientologists at the event? And what about Shaq and Kobe? In 16 years will Kobe be able to secure the then has-been Usher to play at his daughter's sweet sixteen or will Shaq have already lined him up years in advance to spite Kobe and his spawn?


SHAQ: "Do you think your baby will be as pimpalicious as ours, Kobe? Keep dreaming bitch."


KOBE: "I'm here to announce that I promised my wife another $4 million ring if she gives birth on the same day as the O'Neal's."

It seems to be that only the REALLY rich and powerful have the ability to line up the births of their babies so they get to continually one-up their competition for years using their children as pawns in their twisted little mind games. Pretty impressive though. I expect any day now to hear that Jennifer Aniston has actually been hiding her 8 month old pregnancy and she's due to give birth this month in Angola just to spite Brangelina. It could happen.


ANGELINA: "Hurry Brad, if we get out of Africa now, maybe we can avoid Jen at the airport."


JENNIFER: "Vince our plan is working. As long as you keep carrying me around like this, the press will never know I'm 8 months pregnant."