Jowl Of The Day: John McCain

Jowlmazing!

Today, Senator and future presidential hopeful, John McCain is the Jowl Of The Day. You might be asking yourself, why make a nice, reasonable, honest, moderate Republican the Jowl Of The Day. Well, let me tell you, the only part of that description that's true is that he is a Republican. Oh, he wants you to believe he's nice, reasonable, honest and moderate and for a while, it seemed like he might live up to some of those adjectives. During the 2000 election, he talked a good game and backed up a few of his statements with right-minded congressional votes. He even went as far as to befriend some other powerful Democrats and make the occasional statement against his own party. Of course this is back when the Democrats had a lot more power and it wasn't yet obvious how the Republicans would be able to electrify their fundamentalist religious base to gain such a stronghold in Washington.


"I'm telling you that me and my jowl are moderates you panty wastes! I'm as nice as your motherfucking grandpa! Really!"

In the late 90's, it was always obvious McCain was going to run for President in 2000, and at the time, playing to the moderate middle seemed like a smart move on his part. It worked amazingly well for Bill Clinton and McCain thought he could be the conservative version of Clinton. However, in the political ring, John McCain is no Bill Clinton. Hell, he's not even a Chelsea Clinton. Other than his not foreseeing the extensive Republican power grab that took hold in 2000, he also didn't foresee how his 'moderation' would be used against him by an idiot Texan Governor named Dubya and his Machievelian political advisor, Karl Rove. Once they started their dirty little 2000 campaign and did everything but call McCain a 'liberal', he didn't stand a chance.


"I know what you & Rove did to my campaign. I'm going to rip the jugular out of your jowl with my teeth."

Well, if we've learned anything in the past 6 years, it's that John McCain is as honest as Bill O'Reilly talking about his shelf of Peabody Awards (in other words, they're both big liars). The belief that McCain is reasonable and moderate has gone out the window too. His recent cozying up to fanatics Falwell and Dobson as well as his reversal on many issues pertaining to the environment, reproductive rights and social equality is starting to demonstrate his true colors as a two-faced political electioneer willing to say and do anything to win the presidency. As bad as all this is, it still doesn't make him much worse than all the other nasty right-wing Republicans in Congress. So why Jowl Of The Day? John McCain mainly wins the prestigious Jowley for events that took place this past week involving a commencement address he gave at The New School in New York.


The real John McCain: 2 jowls of evil.

You may have heard of the incident in the media. You know, the 'liberal' media that has told you how a school full of spoiled progressive New School graduates were rude and inconsiderate to a man who only wanted to inspire them as they headed out on their journey into the real world. The same 'liberal' media that told you how respectful and honorable the conservative graduates were at Liberty University when he gave the same address the week before. The same 'liberal' media that portrayed McCain as a victim of leftists who ganged up on him without cause like he was still a POW being tortured by the Vietcong. You know, the same 'liberal' media that has dropped to their knees for the Bush Administration after 9/11 and hasn't gotten back up again. Well, it's all bullshit.


"Now settle down graduates or my jowl and I will sick the 'liberal media' on you."

There's a whole different side of the story that hasn't been reported and McCain is no victim. Considering that The New School is known to be a pretty liberal place, it should have come as no surprise to McCain or anyone else around him that he was going to get a lot of protest from the student body. Since he's been cozying up to the religious right for the past few months and he's changed his views more often than Lindsay Lohan changes sex partners during a weekend of partying, is it really shocking that he was going to meet some resistance when he showed up to The New School with his newly outed right wing war-loving, Bush kissing, Dem bashing rhetoric? Seriously. Oh, he knew what he would be encountering and he came anyway. Why? Because he knew that if he did, the press would eat it up and he'd get to play the victim and score some political points with right leaning moderates who could look at the event and say, "See, liberals just don't know how to act in public."


"Now that you've shown me the fundamentalist right wing way, I'm so in love with you. Please hug me back, Daddy."

It would have been fine and everything would have blown over quickly (with McCain probably gaining slightly from the 'liberal' media accounts), except that Senator McCain's Chief Of Staff, Mark Salter, decided to start a blog war with one of the The New School's graduates, Jean Rohe, who was an onstage speaker and talked about McCain's presence at the ceremony during her speech. Miss Rohe wrote an after-account on Huffington Post as to why she felt the need to speak critically of McCain at the ceremony. Huffington Post - Jean Rohe It was a just a basic accounting of what was in her heart that day and why she had to take the opportunity to speak her mind when given the chance. Once that account was published on Arianna's blog, a response was quickly posted by Mr. Salter. Huffington Post - Mark Salter Response To Rohe Unfortunately, instead of taking the chance to post something positive in defense of Mr. McCain, he instead decided to start a Swift Boating of Miss Rohe - a college student with no political power or real agenda. I guess here in 2006, I'm an idiot for expecting anything else from a Republican operative, but I did. Luckily, Miss Rohe did not shrink from the fight, but soon posted a response to Mr. Salter that was thoughtful, precise and heartfelt. Huffington Post - Rohe's Response To Salter


"Me and my jowl are coming after you next, Jean Rohe."

Now, you might think that Mr. Salter's decision to respond to Miss Rohe's article on Huffington Post was something of his own doing and shouldn't be held against John McCain. However, we are heading into an election year and no one in Mr. McCain's camp makes any move without his permission. Political candidates make decision's about everything that is said or done on their behalf. One of his employees would never publish something so scathing withough clearing it with McCain first. That's what politics is all about. So, it's obvious that McCain basically said to Salter, "Write a response to that bitch and make it mean. Let's swift boat her and put her in her place." Of course, I'm paraphrasing from my educated assumption, but even without the Huffington Post blog war that has begun, John McCain disgusts me as much, if not more, than almost any Republican out there. That's why, Senator John McCain is JM's Jowl Of The Week.


"Shit! What the Hell do you mean I was named Jowl Of The Week!"

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