Thursday, May 25, 2006
Sorry Folks...
I've had an allergy attack this week and am totally out of it. That's why I haven't been posting. I've been barely keeping myself together. So much going on that I want to write about, but just can't keep my head straight long enough to put together coherent sentences. I am also leaving tomorrow for the long weekend to go on a trip that has been prepaid and planned for months, so this weekend is out too. I hope to definitely be back next week posting fun and interesting stuff. Until then, have a terrific Memorial Day Weekend.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Music Video Of The Day: Dixie Chicks
Well, their new album, Taking The Long Way, is being released in a few minutes and since I love their first release off the album, Not Ready To Make Nice, I thought I'd make it my Video Of The Day. It's a response to all the people who reacted to lead singer, Natalie Maines' statement a few years ago when she said they were ashamed that Dubya came from Texas. It's a beautiful song and interesting video. So enjoy.
Not Ready To Make Nice - Dixie Chicks:
Technorati tags:
Dixie Chicks
Not Ready To Make Nice
Natalie Maines
Taking The Long Way
Not Ready To Make Nice - Dixie Chicks:
Technorati tags:
Dixie Chicks
Not Ready To Make Nice
Natalie Maines
Taking The Long Way
Jowl Of The Day: John McCain
Jowlmazing!
Today, Senator and future presidential hopeful, John McCain is the Jowl Of The Day. You might be asking yourself, why make a nice, reasonable, honest, moderate Republican the Jowl Of The Day. Well, let me tell you, the only part of that description that's true is that he is a Republican. Oh, he wants you to believe he's nice, reasonable, honest and moderate and for a while, it seemed like he might live up to some of those adjectives. During the 2000 election, he talked a good game and backed up a few of his statements with right-minded congressional votes. He even went as far as to befriend some other powerful Democrats and make the occasional statement against his own party. Of course this is back when the Democrats had a lot more power and it wasn't yet obvious how the Republicans would be able to electrify their fundamentalist religious base to gain such a stronghold in Washington.
"I'm telling you that me and my jowl are moderates you panty wastes! I'm as nice as your motherfucking grandpa! Really!"
In the late 90's, it was always obvious McCain was going to run for President in 2000, and at the time, playing to the moderate middle seemed like a smart move on his part. It worked amazingly well for Bill Clinton and McCain thought he could be the conservative version of Clinton. However, in the political ring, John McCain is no Bill Clinton. Hell, he's not even a Chelsea Clinton. Other than his not foreseeing the extensive Republican power grab that took hold in 2000, he also didn't foresee how his 'moderation' would be used against him by an idiot Texan Governor named Dubya and his Machievelian political advisor, Karl Rove. Once they started their dirty little 2000 campaign and did everything but call McCain a 'liberal', he didn't stand a chance.
"I know what you & Rove did to my campaign. I'm going to rip the jugular out of your jowl with my teeth."
Well, if we've learned anything in the past 6 years, it's that John McCain is as honest as Bill O'Reilly talking about his shelf of Peabody Awards (in other words, they're both big liars). The belief that McCain is reasonable and moderate has gone out the window too. His recent cozying up to fanatics Falwell and Dobson as well as his reversal on many issues pertaining to the environment, reproductive rights and social equality is starting to demonstrate his true colors as a two-faced political electioneer willing to say and do anything to win the presidency. As bad as all this is, it still doesn't make him much worse than all the other nasty right-wing Republicans in Congress. So why Jowl Of The Day? John McCain mainly wins the prestigious Jowley for events that took place this past week involving a commencement address he gave at The New School in New York.
The real John McCain: 2 jowls of evil.
You may have heard of the incident in the media. You know, the 'liberal' media that has told you how a school full of spoiled progressive New School graduates were rude and inconsiderate to a man who only wanted to inspire them as they headed out on their journey into the real world. The same 'liberal' media that told you how respectful and honorable the conservative graduates were at Liberty University when he gave the same address the week before. The same 'liberal' media that portrayed McCain as a victim of leftists who ganged up on him without cause like he was still a POW being tortured by the Vietcong. You know, the same 'liberal' media that has dropped to their knees for the Bush Administration after 9/11 and hasn't gotten back up again. Well, it's all bullshit.
"Now settle down graduates or my jowl and I will sick the 'liberal media' on you."
There's a whole different side of the story that hasn't been reported and McCain is no victim. Considering that The New School is known to be a pretty liberal place, it should have come as no surprise to McCain or anyone else around him that he was going to get a lot of protest from the student body. Since he's been cozying up to the religious right for the past few months and he's changed his views more often than Lindsay Lohan changes sex partners during a weekend of partying, is it really shocking that he was going to meet some resistance when he showed up to The New School with his newly outed right wing war-loving, Bush kissing, Dem bashing rhetoric? Seriously. Oh, he knew what he would be encountering and he came anyway. Why? Because he knew that if he did, the press would eat it up and he'd get to play the victim and score some political points with right leaning moderates who could look at the event and say, "See, liberals just don't know how to act in public."
"Now that you've shown me the fundamentalist right wing way, I'm so in love with you. Please hug me back, Daddy."
It would have been fine and everything would have blown over quickly (with McCain probably gaining slightly from the 'liberal' media accounts), except that Senator McCain's Chief Of Staff, Mark Salter, decided to start a blog war with one of the The New School's graduates, Jean Rohe, who was an onstage speaker and talked about McCain's presence at the ceremony during her speech. Miss Rohe wrote an after-account on Huffington Post as to why she felt the need to speak critically of McCain at the ceremony. Huffington Post - Jean Rohe It was a just a basic accounting of what was in her heart that day and why she had to take the opportunity to speak her mind when given the chance. Once that account was published on Arianna's blog, a response was quickly posted by Mr. Salter. Huffington Post - Mark Salter Response To Rohe Unfortunately, instead of taking the chance to post something positive in defense of Mr. McCain, he instead decided to start a Swift Boating of Miss Rohe - a college student with no political power or real agenda. I guess here in 2006, I'm an idiot for expecting anything else from a Republican operative, but I did. Luckily, Miss Rohe did not shrink from the fight, but soon posted a response to Mr. Salter that was thoughtful, precise and heartfelt. Huffington Post - Rohe's Response To Salter
"Me and my jowl are coming after you next, Jean Rohe."
Now, you might think that Mr. Salter's decision to respond to Miss Rohe's article on Huffington Post was something of his own doing and shouldn't be held against John McCain. However, we are heading into an election year and no one in Mr. McCain's camp makes any move without his permission. Political candidates make decision's about everything that is said or done on their behalf. One of his employees would never publish something so scathing withough clearing it with McCain first. That's what politics is all about. So, it's obvious that McCain basically said to Salter, "Write a response to that bitch and make it mean. Let's swift boat her and put her in her place." Of course, I'm paraphrasing from my educated assumption, but even without the Huffington Post blog war that has begun, John McCain disgusts me as much, if not more, than almost any Republican out there. That's why, Senator John McCain is JM's Jowl Of The Week.
"Shit! What the Hell do you mean I was named Jowl Of The Week!"
Technorati tags:
John McCain
Mark Salter
Jean Rohe
Huffington Post
Arianna Huffington
New School
Liberal Media
Monday, May 22, 2006
Aaaaargh! Blogger Is Driving Me Batshit Crazy!
Once again it's Monday and Blogger has been acting up all day. Sorry. I've been trying to post for hours and now it won't upload pictures. Every Monday this happens. Why can't they fix this. Fuckers!!!!!
Sunday, May 21, 2006
These Are Bunny Movies!
I know that these have probably been around since the dawn of time and as usual, I am just now getting around to finding them online, but if you've never seen the 30-Second Bunnies Theatre, you should check it out here: Angry Alien
It's a site that features animated film parody recreations of famous movies that star bunnies. I think I had seen one a long time ago, but didn't realize they made a bunch of them. On the site, there's all kind of current ones, including everyone's favorite movie to parody, Brokeback Mountain. That one is really good and there are lots more funny ones too. Check out the site and the movies if you get a chance. Here's the Brokeback Parody for your enjoyment:
Brokeback Mountain - 30-Second Bunnies Theatre:
Technorati tags:
30-Second
Bunnies
Bunny
Starz
Parody
Parodies
Brokeback
Mountain
It's a site that features animated film parody recreations of famous movies that star bunnies. I think I had seen one a long time ago, but didn't realize they made a bunch of them. On the site, there's all kind of current ones, including everyone's favorite movie to parody, Brokeback Mountain. That one is really good and there are lots more funny ones too. Check out the site and the movies if you get a chance. Here's the Brokeback Parody for your enjoyment:
Brokeback Mountain - 30-Second Bunnies Theatre:
Technorati tags:
30-Second
Bunnies
Bunny
Starz
Parody
Parodies
Brokeback
Mountain
Weekend Box Office Results - 5/21/06
Approximate Sunday Results (in millions):
1. The Da Vinci Code - $77.0 (1st Week)
2. Over The Hedge - $37.2 (1st Week)
3. Mission: Impossible III - $11.0 ($103.2 - 3 Weeks)
4. Poseidon - $9.2 ($36.8 - 2 Weeks)
5. RV - $5.1 ($50.4 - 4 Weeks)
6. See No Evil - $4.4 (1st Week)
7. Just My Luck - $3.4 ($10.5 - 2 Weeks)
8. An American Haunting - $1.7 ($13.6 - 3 Weeks)
9. United 93 - $1.4 ($28.3 - 4 Weeks)
10. Akeelah And The Bee - $1.0 ($15.7 - 4 Weeks)
Well, I was waaay off. JM's 5/19 Weekend Forecast I originally said a $58 Million opening for The Da Vinci Code due to all the horrible reviews, but lovers of Dan Brown's book seemed to close their ears and head to the theatre anyway. I did a review of the film and did update my prediction by Friday evening after I had seen the film, due to the packed afternoon theatre I was in and all the sold out evening shows on the board. JM's Da Vinci Code Review My revised estimate of around $80 Million was a lot closer, but that prediction doesn't count. Despite its huge opening though, I do predict a considerable amount of fall off next week. With its lack of action and X-Men 3 opening next weekend, I can't figure how Da Vinci can hold on to more than 50% of this weekend's audience (that is if you don't factor in the extra day of the long weekend due to Memorial Day).
As far as the number 2 opening, Over The Hedge, I overestimated its weekend take considerably. I really thought it was going to be great counter programming to Da Vinci. It did good business that was a lot closer to the studio's forecast of $35 Million instead. My guess of $46 Million was off, but it does have a better chance of holding onto an audience next weekend than Da Vinci does since its one of the few family films out there and will continue to be for a few more weeks. The long 3 day holiday weekend with kids out of school will also help it.
I also overestimated the returns for See No Evil. It was considerably lower than my guess of $11 Million and continues the decline of horror films this year. Most of them have been big disappointments and this one was no different. I guess Da Vinci's audience was spread over all age ranges and demographics and stole everyone's thunder this weekend. I've learned my lesson, never underestimate the power of massively popular controversial books and the stupid religious based protests that always precede the movie version's release. With The Da Vinci Code's massive success this weekend, I now can't wait for the release of Salman Rushdie's Satanic Verses starring Keanu Reeves and Lindsay Lohan.
Next week is the 3 day Memorial Holiday weekend and official opening of the Summer movie season, but only one major film will be released, X-Men 3: The Last Stand. Unless the reviews are horrific, this one ought to be a little easier to guess. I'll have my forecast up by Friday.
Technorati tags:
Da Vinci
Da Vinci Code
DaVinci
Over The Hedge
See No Evil
Box Office
Weekend Box Office Results
1. The Da Vinci Code - $77.0 (1st Week)
2. Over The Hedge - $37.2 (1st Week)
3. Mission: Impossible III - $11.0 ($103.2 - 3 Weeks)
4. Poseidon - $9.2 ($36.8 - 2 Weeks)
5. RV - $5.1 ($50.4 - 4 Weeks)
6. See No Evil - $4.4 (1st Week)
7. Just My Luck - $3.4 ($10.5 - 2 Weeks)
8. An American Haunting - $1.7 ($13.6 - 3 Weeks)
9. United 93 - $1.4 ($28.3 - 4 Weeks)
10. Akeelah And The Bee - $1.0 ($15.7 - 4 Weeks)
Well, I was waaay off. JM's 5/19 Weekend Forecast I originally said a $58 Million opening for The Da Vinci Code due to all the horrible reviews, but lovers of Dan Brown's book seemed to close their ears and head to the theatre anyway. I did a review of the film and did update my prediction by Friday evening after I had seen the film, due to the packed afternoon theatre I was in and all the sold out evening shows on the board. JM's Da Vinci Code Review My revised estimate of around $80 Million was a lot closer, but that prediction doesn't count. Despite its huge opening though, I do predict a considerable amount of fall off next week. With its lack of action and X-Men 3 opening next weekend, I can't figure how Da Vinci can hold on to more than 50% of this weekend's audience (that is if you don't factor in the extra day of the long weekend due to Memorial Day).
As far as the number 2 opening, Over The Hedge, I overestimated its weekend take considerably. I really thought it was going to be great counter programming to Da Vinci. It did good business that was a lot closer to the studio's forecast of $35 Million instead. My guess of $46 Million was off, but it does have a better chance of holding onto an audience next weekend than Da Vinci does since its one of the few family films out there and will continue to be for a few more weeks. The long 3 day holiday weekend with kids out of school will also help it.
I also overestimated the returns for See No Evil. It was considerably lower than my guess of $11 Million and continues the decline of horror films this year. Most of them have been big disappointments and this one was no different. I guess Da Vinci's audience was spread over all age ranges and demographics and stole everyone's thunder this weekend. I've learned my lesson, never underestimate the power of massively popular controversial books and the stupid religious based protests that always precede the movie version's release. With The Da Vinci Code's massive success this weekend, I now can't wait for the release of Salman Rushdie's Satanic Verses starring Keanu Reeves and Lindsay Lohan.
Next week is the 3 day Memorial Holiday weekend and official opening of the Summer movie season, but only one major film will be released, X-Men 3: The Last Stand. Unless the reviews are horrific, this one ought to be a little easier to guess. I'll have my forecast up by Friday.
Technorati tags:
Da Vinci
Da Vinci Code
DaVinci
Over The Hedge
See No Evil
Box Office
Weekend Box Office Results
I Really Need A Good Link
Ha ha. Even the Italians are slamming the Catholic Church for their silly protests by making it the number one weekend opening ever. Double the previous record (double!). I bet the Pope ain't liking that. EITB 24
"Jesus Christ! The Da Vinci Code did how much this weekend?"
Why do I hate Tom Cruise so much? I was thrilled to see Law & Order take on his anti-psychiatry rants. He's such a tool. Perez Hilton
"Put down the antidepressants or I'll shoot you."
I know you've been waiting to hear a Hardcore Industrial Techno Dance Mix featuring the words of Republican-lite CT Senator Joe Lieberman. Well, your prayers have been answered. Here is Joementum (Nedrenaline Mix). Mperia
"This remix rocks! Throw your hand's in the air."
And you thought American Idol was big. AI is like a backyard talent show compared to the size and popularity of this. CNN
UPDATE: Well, well, what do you know? Only hours after I posted this original link, guess who won? Yahoo
Lordi, Lordi - I want this Finnish group to win (really - this is one of this year's contestants).
An early sneak excerpt of Jack Osbourne's memoir. Make sure you've got plenty of time to read it. It's a long complex story. Best Week Ever
"This is a picture of me in chapter 14, the one where I'm ugly and don't ever get laid... oh wait, that's chapter 10... and chapter 7... and chapter 2..."
Once again, I bring you Rich's hysterical recap of America's Next Top Model finale over at Four Four. Read it and laugh, cry, dream, touch yourself and pray for the next cycle to come soon. Four Four
Danielle gets a touch up after runner up Joanie scratched her eyebrows off.
Technorati Tags:
Da Vinci Code
Pope
Law & Order
Tom Cruise
Joe Lieberman
Eurovision
Lordi
Jack Osbourne
America's Next Top Model
ANTM
Danielle
Tyra Banks
"Jesus Christ! The Da Vinci Code did how much this weekend?"
Why do I hate Tom Cruise so much? I was thrilled to see Law & Order take on his anti-psychiatry rants. He's such a tool. Perez Hilton
"Put down the antidepressants or I'll shoot you."
I know you've been waiting to hear a Hardcore Industrial Techno Dance Mix featuring the words of Republican-lite CT Senator Joe Lieberman. Well, your prayers have been answered. Here is Joementum (Nedrenaline Mix). Mperia
"This remix rocks! Throw your hand's in the air."
And you thought American Idol was big. AI is like a backyard talent show compared to the size and popularity of this. CNN
UPDATE: Well, well, what do you know? Only hours after I posted this original link, guess who won? Yahoo
Lordi, Lordi - I want this Finnish group to win (really - this is one of this year's contestants).
An early sneak excerpt of Jack Osbourne's memoir. Make sure you've got plenty of time to read it. It's a long complex story. Best Week Ever
"This is a picture of me in chapter 14, the one where I'm ugly and don't ever get laid... oh wait, that's chapter 10... and chapter 7... and chapter 2..."
Once again, I bring you Rich's hysterical recap of America's Next Top Model finale over at Four Four. Read it and laugh, cry, dream, touch yourself and pray for the next cycle to come soon. Four Four
Danielle gets a touch up after runner up Joanie scratched her eyebrows off.
Technorati Tags:
Da Vinci Code
Pope
Law & Order
Tom Cruise
Joe Lieberman
Eurovision
Lordi
Jack Osbourne
America's Next Top Model
ANTM
Danielle
Tyra Banks
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Happy Birthday Cher!
Yes, I'm gay and therefore required to worship at the altar of Cher. Whether gay men like her acting or music or plastic surgery scars is unimportant. What homosexuals really like about her is her bitchy 'take no shit' attitude, her ability to survive & thrive and her balls the size of watermelons. The tacky drag queen clothing doesn't hurt either. Well, Cher is 60 today... and her face turns 15. A few years ago she made the statement that she wanted to pose nude in a men's magazine when she turned 60, so cross your fingers she's off doing that now. Female First
Happy Birthday. Now go get naked.
Anyway, in honor of her special day, here's a video of Cher's song Alive Again from her last album, Living Proof that never really got shown or played here in the US. It's hard to believe she is almost 60 in this video. Amazing what wigs, makeup, lighting, plastic surgery, vaselined lenses and digital post production can do for a woman. Enjoy.
Alive Again - Cher:
Technorati Tags:
Cher
Alive Again
Living Proof
Happy Birthday. Now go get naked.
Anyway, in honor of her special day, here's a video of Cher's song Alive Again from her last album, Living Proof that never really got shown or played here in the US. It's hard to believe she is almost 60 in this video. Amazing what wigs, makeup, lighting, plastic surgery, vaselined lenses and digital post production can do for a woman. Enjoy.
Alive Again - Cher:
Technorati Tags:
Cher
Alive Again
Living Proof
Quote Of The Day
Courtesy of David Letterman tonight after he finished interviewing Dick Cheney's lesbian daughter, Mary, on his show. Dave was fair with her, but asked a lot of tough probing questions and especially kept grilling her about why she waited until now to speak out about the marriage amendment/gay rights in a book instead of a few years ago when she was running her father's campaign and had a direct line to the president. It was obvious he wasn't happy with her non-specific answers, but eventually gave up the line of questioning when he realized she wasn't going to give an honest answer. After her segments finished and she left, Dave came back from the commercial and said:
"Well, if my phone wasn't tapped before..."
It was brilliant and got a big laugh. So thanks Dave. I appreciate you not giving her a pass the way Leno would have. That's why you have Jowl Movement's Quote Of The Day.
"That's right Dave, my Dad's coming for you."
"I can't believe Bush is actually tapping this phone. Hey idiot, it's just a prop."
Technorati Tags:
David Letterman
Letterman
Late Show
Mary Cheney
Now It's My Turn
Gay Rights
Gay Marriage
"Well, if my phone wasn't tapped before..."
It was brilliant and got a big laugh. So thanks Dave. I appreciate you not giving her a pass the way Leno would have. That's why you have Jowl Movement's Quote Of The Day.
"That's right Dave, my Dad's coming for you."
"I can't believe Bush is actually tapping this phone. Hey idiot, it's just a prop."
Technorati Tags:
David Letterman
Letterman
Late Show
Mary Cheney
Now It's My Turn
Gay Rights
Gay Marriage
The Da Vinci Code: Not As Bad As They Say, Not As Good As You Hope
Unlike my last review JM's Poseidon Review, I'm not even going to attempt to encapsulate the plot of the new film The Da Vinci Code here. Poseidon had no plot, so giving a rundown of its events was relatively simple. No such luck with Da Vinci. If you've read the book, then you know how complex and convoluted the story line is. It would be impossible to try and give you a story outline without writing a novel myself. So what I'll do is give you a breakdown of the other aspects of the film, like directing, script, acting, etc.
"If you go see our movie, we'll throw in a free box."
Before doing that though, I should just say that I thought the movie was okay. I didn't expect a lot, so I wasn't disappointed, but I think the critics have been way too harsh on the film. For someone who has read Dan Brown's book, like me (and 3/4 of the free world), it is a pretty faithful re-creation of the story while streamlining it to 2 1/2 hours and keeping your interest enough to enjoy it. For those who haven't read the book, it will make a pretty good thriller and enjoyable filmgoing experience, but don't expect typical summer fare full of things blowing up.
Don't look so sad Mona, the film wasn't that bad.
So here's the breakdown:
Acting - The acting was adequate. To be honest, it didn't really require much real acting on the part of the film's stars other than being able to explain a lot of information to the audience without tripping over all the dialogue. Tom Hanks and French pixie, Audrey Tautou were fine, but nothing special. However, the 2 leads could have pretty much been replaced by Don Rickles and Britney Spears and it wouldn't have made much difference (although that would certainly make for a much campier film). I will say that I enjoyed Ian McKellen and Paul Bettany as the crippled Holy Grail expert and the albino monk, respectively. Ian almost always lights up the screen in every film he's in and Paul Bettany plays the pale creepy murderous Spanish monk very convincingly. Not Oscar winning stuff, but both were very effective in their roles. Everyone else was pretty forgettable.
Just think, this could've been Don Rickles and Britney Spears instead.
Script - This is probably the weakest part of the film. Akiva Goldsman's script is pretty much just a streamlined version of the book without adding anything interesting to the proceedings. It also had some pretty stilted dialogue for the actors to say. Maybe it was just bad acting in parts, but it really felt like more of a script problem than an acting issue. Goldsman did manage to eliminate some of the boring sideline aspects of the book(i.e. the London library excursion,etc.), but he never replaces it with anything other than 'they go here and then they go there and then they talk for a little while about religious stuff and then they go there' scenes. It also took out a few good things that I remember in the book, but nothing vitally important. Overall, the script needed a really good infusion of action or even dramatic tension, but it seems like Goldsman was more worried about creating a faithful adaptation of the book than adding more movie friendly scenes. A real missed opportunity, if you ask me.
"Goldsman did what to my book?"
Directing - Considering how difficult it must have been to give a faithful recreation of the book, I will have to say that the directing was pretty good. It flowed and made sense (for the most part). My biggest complaint would have to be the lack of action or any real thrills. I wish Ron Howard had decided to puch up the proceedings a bit. I did find myself yawning in a few places and probably looked at my watch a couple of times as well. It couldn't have hurt to throw a little more humor in the movie too. It was a pretty mirthless affair, but at least it looked pretty.
Opie waves off the critical backlash.
The last thing I have to mention is something that tends to drive me crazy in movies and I see all the time. It will seem a little strange to bring this up, but it was so irritating to me that I just have to mention it. I'm talking about the albino's junk. You know, his meat and 2 veg, his squirrel and sack of nuts, his sausage and beans, his mallet and croquet balls. You get the picture. Let me explain. Weird things take me out of movies sometimes and one of the most obvious ones is when a character or the director does something that distracts me in the middle of the film with something that is completely unneeded. In this case, it involved the albino's junk. There are scenes in the film where Paul Bettany's albino monk, Silas, strips naked and beats himself with a lash to make marks on his body. Ron Howard films the scenes where he shows as much nudity as he can get away with on a PG-13 rating, but it's all done with strategically placed items and camera angles to maximize the amount of skin shown while avoiding an actual view of genitalia.
Paul, I know the English hate the French, but this is ridiculous.
Now let me stop here for a moment and just say, I DO NOT have an albino junk fetish. I could care less if I saw Paul Bettany's full frontal nether regions. Really - he's one of those skinny pale British actors that does nothing for me. But what I hate is when a director films scenes like that and makes it so obvious what he's hiding that it makes you want to see it. There were multiple shots of Silas doing naked stuff and the camera lingers on him and just brushes the top of his pubic area repeatedly, but cuts away or moves quickly down when his package starts to turn towards the camera. Why do they do this? It drives me up a wall. Ron Howard has to know that the audience is watching someone nude onscreen and nudity is something that heightens a filmgoer's attention since they don't actually see it often onscreen and they're sharing a public experience with a theatre full of people while looking at someone buck naked. So by doing a little dance of, 'Here it is, but I'm gonna cut away just in time and now I'm gonna swing the camera back to give you a closer look, but only of the skin right beside the naughty stuff before I cut away again and I'll keep teasing you and teasing you and teasing you'. It's so distracting and uncalled for.
"Wanna see my albino junk? Too bad, Opie will tease you with it, but won't let you see it."
It's like a woman on a soap opera who wakes up in bed in the morning and she is naked, but she holds the sheet up to her chest and won't let it drop even though she is alone in the room or with her husband. You and I both know that people don't act this way, so it's very distracting to see tv shows and movies where people do this. It's understandable that you can't show naked people all the time, but to have characters do unrealistic things to hide their nudity when there is no reason to, is massively distracting in a film. I know this really seems like an odd thing to bring up about the movie, but it drove me batshit. If you can't show nudity, then don't tease the audience repeatedly by using partial nudity as some kind of dangling carrot in front of the donkey (ha ha, dangling carrot - I made an unintentional funny). Can't you just shoot the scene another way to avoid distracing the audience with this unnecessary stupidity? Alright, I'm over my 'pointless albino junk tease' rant now.
"I'll show you MY junk if you give me another drink."
Well, that's the important stuff. It's a decent movie, but is not great in any sense of the word. Considering all the talent involved, it should have been better, but it's still good enough to see in a theatre if you really want to go. Just go in with low expectations and you may really enjoy it. I do wish I hadn't read the book first though. Some of the thrill gets sucked out of the film because you already know everything that's going to happen.
"Hurry Audrey, the bad reviews are coming!"
I will also say that my weekend box office estimate for The Da Vinci Code is probably waaaay off. JM's Weekend Box Office Forecast - 5/19 The movie probably had 20 shows scheduled for today at the cinema I attended. At 2pm, the huge theatre I was in was sold out and all the evening shows were also sold out as well (by 2pm!). This movie is going to have a HUGE opening. Much bigger than my original 58 Million estimate. Probably closer to 80 Million or so. However, next week it will see a huge drop off because I don't think word of mouth is going to be great.
Don't let the critics get you down Ian, it's still gonna be a huge box office smash.
Technorati tags:
Da Vinci
Da Vinci Code
DaVinci
Tom Hanks
Audrey Tautou
Ian McKellen
Paul Bettany
Ron Howard
Dan Brown
Akiva Goldsman
Weekend Box Office
"If you go see our movie, we'll throw in a free box."
Before doing that though, I should just say that I thought the movie was okay. I didn't expect a lot, so I wasn't disappointed, but I think the critics have been way too harsh on the film. For someone who has read Dan Brown's book, like me (and 3/4 of the free world), it is a pretty faithful re-creation of the story while streamlining it to 2 1/2 hours and keeping your interest enough to enjoy it. For those who haven't read the book, it will make a pretty good thriller and enjoyable filmgoing experience, but don't expect typical summer fare full of things blowing up.
Don't look so sad Mona, the film wasn't that bad.
So here's the breakdown:
Acting - The acting was adequate. To be honest, it didn't really require much real acting on the part of the film's stars other than being able to explain a lot of information to the audience without tripping over all the dialogue. Tom Hanks and French pixie, Audrey Tautou were fine, but nothing special. However, the 2 leads could have pretty much been replaced by Don Rickles and Britney Spears and it wouldn't have made much difference (although that would certainly make for a much campier film). I will say that I enjoyed Ian McKellen and Paul Bettany as the crippled Holy Grail expert and the albino monk, respectively. Ian almost always lights up the screen in every film he's in and Paul Bettany plays the pale creepy murderous Spanish monk very convincingly. Not Oscar winning stuff, but both were very effective in their roles. Everyone else was pretty forgettable.
Just think, this could've been Don Rickles and Britney Spears instead.
Script - This is probably the weakest part of the film. Akiva Goldsman's script is pretty much just a streamlined version of the book without adding anything interesting to the proceedings. It also had some pretty stilted dialogue for the actors to say. Maybe it was just bad acting in parts, but it really felt like more of a script problem than an acting issue. Goldsman did manage to eliminate some of the boring sideline aspects of the book(i.e. the London library excursion,etc.), but he never replaces it with anything other than 'they go here and then they go there and then they talk for a little while about religious stuff and then they go there' scenes. It also took out a few good things that I remember in the book, but nothing vitally important. Overall, the script needed a really good infusion of action or even dramatic tension, but it seems like Goldsman was more worried about creating a faithful adaptation of the book than adding more movie friendly scenes. A real missed opportunity, if you ask me.
"Goldsman did what to my book?"
Directing - Considering how difficult it must have been to give a faithful recreation of the book, I will have to say that the directing was pretty good. It flowed and made sense (for the most part). My biggest complaint would have to be the lack of action or any real thrills. I wish Ron Howard had decided to puch up the proceedings a bit. I did find myself yawning in a few places and probably looked at my watch a couple of times as well. It couldn't have hurt to throw a little more humor in the movie too. It was a pretty mirthless affair, but at least it looked pretty.
Opie waves off the critical backlash.
The last thing I have to mention is something that tends to drive me crazy in movies and I see all the time. It will seem a little strange to bring this up, but it was so irritating to me that I just have to mention it. I'm talking about the albino's junk. You know, his meat and 2 veg, his squirrel and sack of nuts, his sausage and beans, his mallet and croquet balls. You get the picture. Let me explain. Weird things take me out of movies sometimes and one of the most obvious ones is when a character or the director does something that distracts me in the middle of the film with something that is completely unneeded. In this case, it involved the albino's junk. There are scenes in the film where Paul Bettany's albino monk, Silas, strips naked and beats himself with a lash to make marks on his body. Ron Howard films the scenes where he shows as much nudity as he can get away with on a PG-13 rating, but it's all done with strategically placed items and camera angles to maximize the amount of skin shown while avoiding an actual view of genitalia.
Paul, I know the English hate the French, but this is ridiculous.
Now let me stop here for a moment and just say, I DO NOT have an albino junk fetish. I could care less if I saw Paul Bettany's full frontal nether regions. Really - he's one of those skinny pale British actors that does nothing for me. But what I hate is when a director films scenes like that and makes it so obvious what he's hiding that it makes you want to see it. There were multiple shots of Silas doing naked stuff and the camera lingers on him and just brushes the top of his pubic area repeatedly, but cuts away or moves quickly down when his package starts to turn towards the camera. Why do they do this? It drives me up a wall. Ron Howard has to know that the audience is watching someone nude onscreen and nudity is something that heightens a filmgoer's attention since they don't actually see it often onscreen and they're sharing a public experience with a theatre full of people while looking at someone buck naked. So by doing a little dance of, 'Here it is, but I'm gonna cut away just in time and now I'm gonna swing the camera back to give you a closer look, but only of the skin right beside the naughty stuff before I cut away again and I'll keep teasing you and teasing you and teasing you'. It's so distracting and uncalled for.
"Wanna see my albino junk? Too bad, Opie will tease you with it, but won't let you see it."
It's like a woman on a soap opera who wakes up in bed in the morning and she is naked, but she holds the sheet up to her chest and won't let it drop even though she is alone in the room or with her husband. You and I both know that people don't act this way, so it's very distracting to see tv shows and movies where people do this. It's understandable that you can't show naked people all the time, but to have characters do unrealistic things to hide their nudity when there is no reason to, is massively distracting in a film. I know this really seems like an odd thing to bring up about the movie, but it drove me batshit. If you can't show nudity, then don't tease the audience repeatedly by using partial nudity as some kind of dangling carrot in front of the donkey (ha ha, dangling carrot - I made an unintentional funny). Can't you just shoot the scene another way to avoid distracing the audience with this unnecessary stupidity? Alright, I'm over my 'pointless albino junk tease' rant now.
"I'll show you MY junk if you give me another drink."
Well, that's the important stuff. It's a decent movie, but is not great in any sense of the word. Considering all the talent involved, it should have been better, but it's still good enough to see in a theatre if you really want to go. Just go in with low expectations and you may really enjoy it. I do wish I hadn't read the book first though. Some of the thrill gets sucked out of the film because you already know everything that's going to happen.
"Hurry Audrey, the bad reviews are coming!"
I will also say that my weekend box office estimate for The Da Vinci Code is probably waaaay off. JM's Weekend Box Office Forecast - 5/19 The movie probably had 20 shows scheduled for today at the cinema I attended. At 2pm, the huge theatre I was in was sold out and all the evening shows were also sold out as well (by 2pm!). This movie is going to have a HUGE opening. Much bigger than my original 58 Million estimate. Probably closer to 80 Million or so. However, next week it will see a huge drop off because I don't think word of mouth is going to be great.
Don't let the critics get you down Ian, it's still gonna be a huge box office smash.
Technorati tags:
Da Vinci
Da Vinci Code
DaVinci
Tom Hanks
Audrey Tautou
Ian McKellen
Paul Bettany
Ron Howard
Dan Brown
Akiva Goldsman
Weekend Box Office
It's The Linkiest!
Is Tyra Banks racist? They certainly make an interesting case for it. Slate
She would've joined the KKK, but couldn't get the hood over that hair.
God, I hope he runs. He soooo has my vote if he does. Daily Kos
How many other former generals (or presidential candidates for that matter) would go on the cover of The Advocate?
Wow, who saw this coming? MSNBC
"Start lining up boys, I'm single again."
Hmmm. This looks like it could be really good if done well. It already has a movie feel to it, is produced by Salma Hayek, stars the very appealing America Ferrera and is based on the most famous Telenovella ever. I'll definitely give it a chance. World Of Wonder
Salma the hot is producing 'Betty The Ugly'.
This fool is such a tool. If he was talking to God, don't you think God would be a little more absolute about what he's going to do? I hear God's a pretty confident being. He doesn't need to be wishy washy about his future plans when talking to insane old bastards. Pensito Review
"Pat! I AM sending storms and you better buy thee an industrial strength umbrella."
Streaking rules. Read them so you make sure to do it right. City Rag
Hmmm. I wonder who's got the bigger bat.
She would've joined the KKK, but couldn't get the hood over that hair.
God, I hope he runs. He soooo has my vote if he does. Daily Kos
How many other former generals (or presidential candidates for that matter) would go on the cover of The Advocate?
Wow, who saw this coming? MSNBC
"Start lining up boys, I'm single again."
Hmmm. This looks like it could be really good if done well. It already has a movie feel to it, is produced by Salma Hayek, stars the very appealing America Ferrera and is based on the most famous Telenovella ever. I'll definitely give it a chance. World Of Wonder
Salma the hot is producing 'Betty The Ugly'.
This fool is such a tool. If he was talking to God, don't you think God would be a little more absolute about what he's going to do? I hear God's a pretty confident being. He doesn't need to be wishy washy about his future plans when talking to insane old bastards. Pensito Review
"Pat! I AM sending storms and you better buy thee an industrial strength umbrella."
Streaking rules. Read them so you make sure to do it right. City Rag
Hmmm. I wonder who's got the bigger bat.
Video Of The Day: Sarah McLachlan
Here's you a great video for Sarah McLachlan's World On Fire. Simple, touching and a real political statement without being really political. It made me think and maybe it will do the same for you... the song's pretty too. Enjoy.
World On Fire - Sarah McLachlan:
World On Fire - Sarah McLachlan:
Friday, May 19, 2006
Weekend Box Office Forecast - 5/19/06
I doubt you've heard of it because it's from a pretty obscure book, but there's a small independent film being released this weekend called The Da Vinci Code. It stars some unknown actors, is directed by a newbie and hasn't gotten much publicity, so I doubt it will get much of a reception at the box office this weekend...
Okay, I am out of my fantasy world right now. We've all heard the nonstop chatter about the film for months and it is now here. However, what was supposed to be a bullet proof opening for this potential blockbuster has now become a guessing game as to the opening weekend numbers since its horrible reception in Cannes this week. Critics have been brutal and pre-screenings have left some pretty dismal marks and word of mouth from the regular moviegoers who've seen it. So will that effect it? I think so. Originally, there was talk of the film being close to the 100 million mark, but that looks extremely unlikely now. It's opening today on 3,735 screens domestically and is now being forecast at around a 70 Million opening. I'm willing to go lower. I'm thinking its opening will be closer to the high 50's. Tom Hanks' star has been on the decline for a while now and Ron Howard's last film, Cinderella Man, way underperformed at the box office despite big stars and critical raves. Da Vinci has the wildly popular book as its main promotion, but after all the critical bashing, a lot of people are not going to want to see their beloved book ruined.
Will this code crack 70 Million?
The other big film this weekend is the Dreamworks animated tale, Over The Hedge. Dreamworks has had great success with animation and this one has got lots of big stars voicing the funny (and not too childish) animal characters. Since Ice Age 2 has now melted out of theatres, I think this movie could do really well as counter programming to Da Vinci. Estimates put it at around the high 30's on its 4,059 domestic screens. I'm thinking more like high 40 's though.
Will this movie jump over the 40 Million mark this weekend?
The last big release this weekend is See No Evil, starring WWE wrestler, Kane. It's a horror movie with very scary commercials promising lots of gore. Most estimates have it at around 4 Million for the weekend on 1,257 screens. I think they are way off. An American Haunting opened a few weeks ago on fewer screens and took in over 6 Million. That movie looked boring compared to this one and this one has wrestling fans to add to the horror audience that normally sees this type of film. I'm thinking it will probably do over 10 Million.
Will audiences see this evil?
Here's my official forecast:
The Da Vinci Code - $58.0
Over The Hedge - $46.0
See No Evil - $11.0
So, we'll see how I do when the results come out on Sunday. I'm off to see The Da Vinci Code right now, so I'll post my own review later this evening.
Okay, I am out of my fantasy world right now. We've all heard the nonstop chatter about the film for months and it is now here. However, what was supposed to be a bullet proof opening for this potential blockbuster has now become a guessing game as to the opening weekend numbers since its horrible reception in Cannes this week. Critics have been brutal and pre-screenings have left some pretty dismal marks and word of mouth from the regular moviegoers who've seen it. So will that effect it? I think so. Originally, there was talk of the film being close to the 100 million mark, but that looks extremely unlikely now. It's opening today on 3,735 screens domestically and is now being forecast at around a 70 Million opening. I'm willing to go lower. I'm thinking its opening will be closer to the high 50's. Tom Hanks' star has been on the decline for a while now and Ron Howard's last film, Cinderella Man, way underperformed at the box office despite big stars and critical raves. Da Vinci has the wildly popular book as its main promotion, but after all the critical bashing, a lot of people are not going to want to see their beloved book ruined.
Will this code crack 70 Million?
The other big film this weekend is the Dreamworks animated tale, Over The Hedge. Dreamworks has had great success with animation and this one has got lots of big stars voicing the funny (and not too childish) animal characters. Since Ice Age 2 has now melted out of theatres, I think this movie could do really well as counter programming to Da Vinci. Estimates put it at around the high 30's on its 4,059 domestic screens. I'm thinking more like high 40 's though.
Will this movie jump over the 40 Million mark this weekend?
The last big release this weekend is See No Evil, starring WWE wrestler, Kane. It's a horror movie with very scary commercials promising lots of gore. Most estimates have it at around 4 Million for the weekend on 1,257 screens. I think they are way off. An American Haunting opened a few weeks ago on fewer screens and took in over 6 Million. That movie looked boring compared to this one and this one has wrestling fans to add to the horror audience that normally sees this type of film. I'm thinking it will probably do over 10 Million.
Will audiences see this evil?
Here's my official forecast:
The Da Vinci Code - $58.0
Over The Hedge - $46.0
See No Evil - $11.0
So, we'll see how I do when the results come out on Sunday. I'm off to see The Da Vinci Code right now, so I'll post my own review later this evening.
Goodnight Gracie.
Sad. Will & Grace went off the air permanently tonight after 8 years and I'm bummed. Yes, it was hit or miss over the last 2 years and it never really seemed to regain it's comic power after Debra Messing got pregnant and they tried to hide it on the show, but I'll still miss it. Tonight's show was okay. Most of it took place in the future and wasn't that funny, but for a show finale, it rests somewhere between Newhart's great "it was all a dream from his previous show' finale and Seinfeld's depressing jail themed finale. I'll miss Will & Grace because it was ground breaking and usually made me laugh out a loud a few times per show - what more can you expect from a sitcom? Most of all, I'll miss the Jack and Karen characters because they were an amazing comic team and really pushed the envelope for network television. So R.I.P. Will & Grace & Jack & Karen. I'll miss you (until I see your syndicated reruns 6 times tomorrow).
"Guys, don't look up at the audience and maybe they'll realize tonight's show wasn't very good."
"Guys, don't look up at the audience and maybe they'll realize tonight's show wasn't very good."
100 Posts. Did I Actually Do That?
Wow, I just realized that this is my 100th post. You may not be impressed, but I think I'm the shit. 100 posts in 3 weeks is a lot for a procrastinator like me. I think this actually makes me an official blogger. Here's hoping I maintain at least this level in the future. Nothing more to say except, "I rock!" And here are a few cartoons that I know where drawn specifically about me.
Barca! Barca! Barca! Barca!
Yah! FC Barcelona beat Arsenal (2-1) yesterday in Paris to take the UEFA's Champion League Football Championship and is now considered to be the best team in Europe. It was an exciting game for Barca, since they came back from a 1-0 deficit in the last 14 minutes of the game. UEFA Game Info It may not be a big deal here, but in Europe, it was watched by over 150 million people and many on the team will now will be going to the FIFA World Cup when it starts in Germany next month. Go Spain and go US!
I know some guys who are getting laid tonight.
Let me just say that I know nothing at all about football (soccer to us uneducated Americans), but I told Chema I would post a Spanish based entry tonight just for him. He's not a huge fan of football either, but living in Boston, I know what it's like to get caught up in the home cities sports success (that's a not so subtle slam to all you other losing American cities that haven't had a championship this decade - and that's almost all of you - 'cause Boston rocks!). I just hope Chema didn't go out and get too wasted last night though, because those Spaniards can get CRAAAAZY when sports are involved. They'll be celebrating there for weeks. This entry is also an excuse to post some pictures of hot football players. So, yah Barca! Barca! Barca! Barca! Here are some hot pics or great sports pics (depending on whether you are gay or straight):
Brazilian born key Barca superstar, Ronaldinho, showing you how many billions of dollars he's going to eventually end up with at the end of his career.
And these are the fans BEFORE the game.
"Dammit, just kiss me already."
"Just look at this face. I should be a model, not a footballer bitches!"
"Woo hoo! Now we get to go destroy downtown Paris!"
"I always hump the ground before a game for good luck."
"Arrghh! This rain is like acid! It's burning my face!"
I know some guys who are getting laid tonight.
Let me just say that I know nothing at all about football (soccer to us uneducated Americans), but I told Chema I would post a Spanish based entry tonight just for him. He's not a huge fan of football either, but living in Boston, I know what it's like to get caught up in the home cities sports success (that's a not so subtle slam to all you other losing American cities that haven't had a championship this decade - and that's almost all of you - 'cause Boston rocks!). I just hope Chema didn't go out and get too wasted last night though, because those Spaniards can get CRAAAAZY when sports are involved. They'll be celebrating there for weeks. This entry is also an excuse to post some pictures of hot football players. So, yah Barca! Barca! Barca! Barca! Here are some hot pics or great sports pics (depending on whether you are gay or straight):
Brazilian born key Barca superstar, Ronaldinho, showing you how many billions of dollars he's going to eventually end up with at the end of his career.
And these are the fans BEFORE the game.
"Dammit, just kiss me already."
"Just look at this face. I should be a model, not a footballer bitches!"
"Woo hoo! Now we get to go destroy downtown Paris!"
"I always hump the ground before a game for good luck."
"Arrghh! This rain is like acid! It's burning my face!"
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